The Vanishing Gentleman

Trickle-Down Narcissism: The Erosion of Respect and the Rise of Chaos

by Dana Raye Barnaby

In precisely six days from the date of this post, something devastating will occur. One that personal friends of mine are terrified about. They truly believe that their well-being and safety are at risk. Some even fear that they will somehow be exiled from their own country, not because of their beliefs, but for just being an informed, common-sensible human. How could this be? How could something so pervasive, that spreads fear in so many, be allowed to happen in this era of social conscience and kindness? Strangely enough, this same question was filtering down through the well-educated and intellectually sound, some 90 years ago. And yet, that happened too.

Yes, I’m talking about a moment in history when unchecked behavior, fueled by self-interest and the dismissal of collective values, led to devastating consequences. History has shown us how quickly societal norms can erode when individuals prioritize their own voices over the greater good. This pattern is disturbingly familiar in today’s world.

In the past five years, the trend toward right-wing leadership has gained traction globally. Societies facing economic uncertainty, cultural change, and institutional distrust are increasingly drawn to leaders who promise stability, security, and a return to “traditional” values. This shift is rooted in the fears of globalization, of cultural displacement and economic stagnation. The leaders who exploit these fears, rise to power by offering simple answers to complex problems. Right-wing agendas often thrive on populist rhetoric, framing themselves as defenders of the “common man” against a corrupt elite. They emphasize nationalism, protectionism, and cultural preservation, offering a sense of control and pride to those who feel left behind. However, this rise is not without consequences, as it often brings a divisive approach to governance that prioritizes spectacle over substance.

The Loudest Voice in the Room

In this context, social media has become a similar stage for self-promotion, where likes and followers often dictate self-worth. This digital landscape has nurtured a culture of narcissism, overshadowing the values of kindness and gentleness that once defined our interactions. This shift has profound implications for our societal value system. As the need for external validation becomes the norm, we risk losing the very essence of genuine human connection. In this self-centered culture, communication becomes transactional, devoid of the empathy and respect that are cornerstones of gentlemanly behavior.

Social media platforms amplify this trend, rewarding boldness and outrage over thoughtfulness and restraint. Viral moments now hinge on spectacle, often to the complete disregard for substance. The loudest voices dominate, (as previously stated in the first episode of this series), while the quieter, often more considerate, voices are drowned out. This new social hierarchy, built on digital popularity, undermines the qualities that foster trust and respect.

Leadership’s Ripple Effect

Leadership, too, has been impacted. Figures who embody narcissistic tendencies often rise to prominence, celebrated for their bravado rather than their humility or wisdom. For example, the stark contrast between the gentlemanly demeanor of Barack Obama and the combative, self-aggrandizing style of Donald Trump highlights how societal preferences have shifted. Obama’s measured, empathetic approach to communication is increasingly seen now as the exception rather than the norm.

However, the impact of leadership has a much broader reach, which inevitably, does not stop at the top. There is a substantial, “trickle-down” effect to consider: the behaviors and attitudes of elected leaders inevitably influence the people they serve. When leaders model narcissistic speech, a lack of self-restraint, and a blatant disregard for values such as humility or respect, they send a powerful message. To the common man, this behavior becomes normalized and, worse, acceptable.

If a leader is seen publicly demeaning others, dismissing criticism with arrogance, and flaunting their lack of empathy, why should the average person behave any differently? This normalization of disrespectful behavior doesn’t exist in a vacuum, rather it finds a powerful amplifier in the digital age. One that further undermines respect for authority and expertise.

PHOTO BY MARK PETERSON/REDUX.

The Internet’s Role in Undermining Authority

This trend is exacerbated by the instant access to information provided by the internet. While this connectivity offers immense potential for learning, it also enables the rapid spread of disinformation and echo chambers shaped by algorithms targeting specific interests. These curated realities perpetuate narcissistic behavior, as individuals increasingly reject the need for external expertise or authority.

“Why do I need to listen to you when everything I need is only a click away?” This sentiment fuels a growing disrespect for knowledge, wisdom, and mentorship. Teachers are challenged by students who believe their online searches outweigh years of study and experience. Workers question the decisions of company owners, convinced that they alone understand the best path forward. Even more troubling, civilians increasingly confront first responders and law enforcement, doubting their authority and motives based on fragmented, often biased narratives.

The Crisis of Lost Values

As respect for authority and expertise crumbles, the risk of societal chaos grows. Without a shared understanding of the value of knowledge and wisdom, the foundations of mentorship, collaboration, and trust begin to erode. Leaders who exploit this breakdown, yes that swoop-of-a-man, who is constantly seen attacking institutions, experts, and the rule of law, only amplifies the instability, leaving a society fragmented and adrift.

Fifty years from now, will we look back on this period as a time when narcissism Trump-ed, decency? Will historians view it as an era marked by a failure to uphold the values that make society resilient and compassionate? And will they all agree to NEVER do this again?

I think, likely.

Restoring Civility and Connection

This is a critical moment for reflection. The act of being a gentleman is not merely about etiquette; it is about embodying a set of principles that prioritize others’ dignity and well-being over self-interest. These values are the antidote to a culture dominated by ego and aggression.

To counter these trends, we must intentionally cultivate and celebrate the qualities that define true leadership and character: humility, integrity, and a commitment to serve others as part of the collective good. By re-embracing these timeless values, we can create a society that values connection over competition and empathy over egotism.

The challenge lies in resisting the seductive pull of superficial validation and embracing the deeper, quieter virtues that truly enrich our lives. As I always like to say, “Put your phone down and enjoy the company of those you have chosen to be with”.

If we succeed, we may not only restore the lost art of being a gentleman, but also ensure a future where kindness and civility Trump narcissism.

Thank you for taking the time to join me on this journey of reflection and storytelling. If these words have resonated, you might enjoy my second series of essays called, The Art of Living.

Subscribe today to continue our conversation. Together, we can explore the timeless art of living thoughtfully and graciously. Your support means the world to me.

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