The Vanishing Gentleman

The Loudest Voice in the Room

By Dana Raye Barnaby

It was somewhere between the second exaggerated, leg lifting, finger pinching attempt to dislodge a pair of “butt creeping” bargain-bin briefs and the third shout at the camera that I began to wonder if I had unknowingly stumbled into a wrestling promo rather than an advertisement for men’s underwear.

The campaign, launched by a Canadian company with the bold claim of crafting underwear “for gentlemen,” left me not with the urge to purchase, but with a gnawing sense of embarrassment, not just for myself, but for the stereotypical, unrefined image of Canadian men on display.

Gentlemen, they called themselves. And yet, their definition of the term appeared to have been fished from the bottom of a frat house hot tub.

As I sat down to draft a response, something I very rarely do, because I imagined it would be met with equal parts dismissal and polite indifference, I found myself circling a question that has lingered long before this particular campaign:

What does it mean to be a gentleman today, and how is the loss of grace reshaping society?

Written by Dana Raye Barnaby

The Origin of the Gentleman

The term “gentleman” has deep roots reaching back to the Middle Ages, where it originally signified a man of noble birth, a class distinction reserved for landowners and aristocrats, but by the time the Renaissance unfolded, the concept began to shift. Wealth alone was no longer the only qualifying characteristic. The term became tethered to behavior, character, and conduct, a marker of grace, restraint, and respect for others.

In the 18th and 19th centuries, the term gentleman was more a description of how a man carried himself and less about his social standing. Even a man of modest means, if he displayed the virtues of kindness, humility, and honor, could still be regarded as a gentleman.

Now, let’s fast-forward to today. Yes, it seems that tuxedos have been traded in for joggers and sneakers have somehow become an acceptable replacement for the dress shoe in tech startups and Napa Valley’s sprawling estates, however the essence of being a gentleman should have remained unchanged. Yet here we are, in a world where shouting at a camera in “boys supporting” skivvies somehow qualifies as sophistication.

Why It Matters

The slow erosion of gentlemanly behavior isn’t just about taste or personal preferences, it carries heavy weight in the transformation of our society. Being a gentleman, at its core, is about selflessness in a world driven by ego. It’s about holding the door open, not just because someone is watching, but because it’s the right thing to do. It’s about disagreeing without diminishing, protecting without posturing, and dressing well for an occasion as it reflects a respect for the host and the people around you.

In a society increasingly obsessed with “selfie” based attention, the quiet strength of a gentleman has become an endangered species. And with it, the values that hold communities together, like kindness, integrity, and humility. The qualities are at risk of fading into antiquity and society, as a whole, will feel it’s affects for generations to come.

To lose the art of being a gentleman isn’t just a fashion faux pas. It’s a loss that ripples across families, friendships, and cultures.

And so, this column isn’t just a critique of one marketing campaign. It’s a call to arms, or rather, a call to lower our arms and  to stop shouting for a moment. Please remember that sometimes, the most powerful voice in the room is the one that doesn’t need to raise itself at all.

Thank you for taking the time to join me on this journey of reflection and storytelling. If these words have resonated, you might enjoy my second series of essays called, The Art of Living.

Subscribe today to continue our conversation. Together, we can explore the timeless art of living thoughtfully and graciously. Your support means the world to me.

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